these poems came from thoughts that came to mind that I fought. Judgements that were made based on a glance moment. I think these judgments do happen frequently and often, and I find myself reeling at their speed and frequency. How much do passing thoughts influence me? Those thoughts are like billboards along the interstate, and I'm rushing past them, another and another. I wanted to do a series where I took apart the poem like the way I took apart the thought.
the interesting thing about the writing process was that the first version guards myself the most. I wrote it and could feeling myself adding 'instead of just cautious' on to it on the end. I could feel it was real, or meant to be there. It was an afterthought. And it was an afterthought, that followed after I thought what I did about her when I saw the whistle. But I felt like it was too calloused or something without it so I added it, in my thoughts on and in the poem.
Taking it apart was the hard part. I have to be aware of how I sound and what I'm saying, but recently I've been like 'fuck it. this is what I'm writing about, this is how I'm going to sound.' balancing that with my values is another thing: in short, I'm stuttering. I don't know what I'm saying or what I want to sound like or how to make those statements and sounds.
I'm UM. I'm over thinking it.